How my codependency on community workouts gave way to a deeper self-healing
by Meggy Caparas on May 15, 2021
(Photo credit: Alex Russell-Saw)
March 2020 - I found myself sitting on my yoga mat in my room, dazed, stunned, and probably confused. I asked myself, "how do I start my workout again?"
I clearly remember that moment last year; it was as if a curtain fell and what was revealed to me was my codependency on community workouts and everything else that came with it.
I needed to have a teacher to start an asana practice.
I needed to be in an actual studio to share that collective energy in the room to get through the class.
I needed my pre-workout cafe americano at my favorite cafe
I needed that post-class brunch with my friends
I needed that class photo to share and tag my friends on socials
2020 stripped me away of the routines I have built around my daily life.
You see, my free time revolved around plastering my schedule with working out - solo or with friends; most of the time in yoga or an indoor cycling studio. It was literally how I pick myself up after a day or week's worth of doing the grind. It's where I recalibrate and recenter myself. As forthright and desperate as it may sound - it was my salvation.
My line of work in a veterinary laboratory is like running on a hamster wheel. We have a 24 hour turn-around time for the routine tests that we have to process for the daily batch of samples that we have. Together with all the other deliverables, I have on deck; literally moving from the one goal post to the next. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the work that I do and the grind that comes with it. 2020 took a turn and we had to adapt a skeletal schedule. It was as if a bucket of cold water was thrown on me - "Wait, I have more free time on my hands now? Where do I start? Do I rest? Do I work out? but I have no self-practice"
(Photo credit: Sage Friedman)
What poured through during such unique times navigating this pandemic were questions - of worthiness, of purpose, of discernment, or lack thereof. Growing pains, frustrations, doubts that used to be released in a shala or studio are now finding their place in the four corners of my room or my mat. Clarity came in waves the more I became present. More tears were shed at the wee hours of the night when I am alone "doing the work". Underneath it all were glimmers of light in the form of -
Second: giving myself grace and compassion that each of us moves through such unique times in our lives differently.
And lastly, the understanding that growth will never be a linear path but a continuous choice of showing up. To me, showing up looks like these:
- a walking meditation listening to podcasts and playlists
- moving my body even just for 20 minutes
- mindfully making my coffee in the morning
- making space for quiet
- keeping a notebook beside me when I practice yoga so I could journal any thoughts that come in the middle or after practice
(Photo credit: Katrina Tes)
All these made way for unraveling the path to do more inner work which I had only realized in hindsight of these seemingly pivotal breadcrumbs leading me to a deeper understanding of what I was being called to do; of where I was getting tugged to go. It made me drop into my heart and out of my head.
Since the Year 2021 started, I’ve been trying to let all the feelings of grief, uncertainty, joy, contentment, and gratitude altogether slowly pour into my daily life. So here's to embracing both light and dark, highs and lows, peaks and valleys while unapologetically running towards my truth and authenticity. It's the knowing of not knowing but still trusting that everything is in alignment as we move towards the great unknown - whatever that is, whatever it holds.
And now, I find myself writing a newsletter to all the beautiful souls who happen to find the In Silence community. I am here to remind you that the magic already resides within you. It is all a matter of remembering. How crazy beautiful is that?
A pleasure virtually meeting you all.
With all my love,
Meggy Caparas is the Founder and Creative Trouble maker of We Found A Place - a collective space nurturing mindfulness in the everyday.
A Visionary learning to build and bind communities on conscious living and soulful entrepreneurship.
Taurus Sun, Manifesting Generator, Breathwork enthusiast, Spiritual Seeker, Yogi and Playlist Connoisseur.
Connect with her at We Found A Place